I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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