i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
