Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
