waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
