I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
