my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
