Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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