Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
