Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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