Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
