I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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