Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
