I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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