Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
