My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
