So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
