God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
