who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
