so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
