don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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