It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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