his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
