My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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