i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
