The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have post one night stand depression
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