he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
