it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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