White coat. Heels.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
