SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
