Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
