Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
