My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
