i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
