rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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