1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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