please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
