At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
