i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize