I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
