new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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