More tranny stories later!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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