You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
