Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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