Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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