That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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