well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
