Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
