She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
