had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
