haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Terrible idea I love it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
