Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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