why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
