what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
