jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
