i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize