so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My vagina just recognized that song.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
whose parrot is this?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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