if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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