And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
