It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
