You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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