I just saw a hot homeless man
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
