the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
