So drunk its hurt
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
