I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize