I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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