so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
