My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
