woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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