So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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