So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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