I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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