How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
