I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
