you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
