Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
