Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize