I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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