Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize