No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
