I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
