When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
