You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
