I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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