apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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