he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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