I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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