Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
