im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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