and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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