He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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