You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
