There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
ok first of all what the fuck
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
