guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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