So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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