A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
