so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
