i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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