i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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