do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
