Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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